I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
