wakey wakey hands off snakey
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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