so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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