sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Randomize
