I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
