a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
