i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
