i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
