so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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