i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize
