Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize