So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
