OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
