He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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