If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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