Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
