Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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