if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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