Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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