Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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