Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
