Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
