forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
