I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
