So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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