3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
