At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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