Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
