i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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