I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
