Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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