Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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