We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
