i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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