Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
