I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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