So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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