Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
