the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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