Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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