Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize