My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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