Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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