dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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