i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
