Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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