Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
