Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
