Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
