There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
