Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
did i walk over a car last night?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
