chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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