seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize