maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
