all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
