I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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