I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
be right there i have to get my cape
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
