Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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