why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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