is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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