just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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