this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
