We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
