We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
soo... how was my night?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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