kristin has been a bad kristin
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
