sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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