small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
