I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What drink are we having for lunch?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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