vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
