The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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